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He Sat At His Desk…

…surrounded by stacks of files and listening to the ever jolly holiday tunes on the radio. The files of people’™s lives meant nothing to him. He loathed his job. He despised the stupidity and slap-dashedness of colleagues and those who worked in the organizations that were used for other aspects of the process of which he was at the arse-end of.

And added to it all was the fact that today was payday, yet here he sat, looking at the computer monitor in front of him. The bank’s website showed him the truth, though there were occasions where even they would lie to him, drawing him deeper into the smothering feeling of poverty and self-loathing.

“Fifty-eight dollars and change”, he thought.

He clicked the “Log Out” button and hung his head, letting out a short, raspy, life-weary sigh.

His hands lifted and cupped his head. His wearisome, fatigued and stressed head. His throat now felt like someone was gently choking him, the same kind of throttling that he last experienced when his doctor checked his glands. His eyes felt like they were bulging dams, ready to release the salty streamlets of sorrow that his soul, or at least what was left of it, wanted to free for all eternity.

He raised his head and looked to the ceiling, all the while his hands stayed on his face; masks of impenetrable grief and anger. His hands slipped over his head and back to his face several time and a growl built up in him until it was released between the clenched teeth of societal censorship, issuing forth as a guttural hiss, barely perceptible by those around him.

His hand now fell to the desk, his right hand finding its way to the headphones lying there. He put them on, grabbed the mouse and clicked the button that set off the more favored Holiday tunes; the one of a dream dashed yet still held onto; the one of the reality of growing up. Despite their realistic and bleak words, they eased the melancholy.

“Something’ll work out. It always does”, he thought, remembering that Christmas meant a little extra cash, in the way of much appreciated presents from generous relatives.

His mood lifted.

They would just have to careful, that’s all. After all, they would usually have to stretch such a trifling amount to the next semi-monthly wage.

He hated this lifestyle: scrimping and saving; robbing Peter to pay Paul; paying a token to the creditors in the hopes that it kept them from releasing the financial hounds on them.

He did have a plan. He just needed the grace or good fortune to find himself a new job. He didn’t care whether or not it was one he would like, as long as it meant that the take-home was enough that it meant bills could be paid fully and on time, groceries and gas could be bought and they would still have enough for treat, luxuries and the non-essentials that makes one feel like more than a workhorse.

Mr. Davies Was Right

My thoughts on my life in January 2007

Mr. Davies was right:
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare

But it has been so long
Since I last reveled in Nature’s wonder
And wandered in woodland and over field.

Long since I lay down
And closed my eyes to hear and smell
The lifeforce around me.

And quaffed at its fountain
Of revitalization and tasted its
Sweet invigorating nectar….

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